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Grieving
Our dogs live relatively short
lives. For many of us who love our dogs, their
death can affect some of us even more than the
death of a relative or friend. The death of
a dog leaves few people totally untouched.
A dog may come to symbolize
many things to each of us. It may represent
a child, perhaps a child yet to be conceived
or the innocent child in us all. It may reflect
the ideal mate or parent, ever faithful, patient
and welcoming, loving us unconditionally. It
is a playmate and a sibling. It is a reflection
of ourselves, embodying negative and positive
qualities we recognize or lack in ourselves.
The same dog may be all of these, alternating
between roles on any given day or for each member
of the family.
When a dog dies, we expect
that our pain will be acknowledged, even if
it is not shared, by our relatives, friends
and colleagues. Though the bond between you
and your dog is as valuable as any of your human
relationships, the importance of its loss may
not be appreciated by other people. The process
of grieving for a dog is no different than mourning
the death of a human being. The difference lies
in the value that is placed on your dog by your
family and by society as a whole.
Your grief may be compounded
by lack of response from a friend or family
member. Realize that you do not need anyone
else's approval to mourn the loss of your dog,
nor must you justify your feelings to anyone.
Do not fault anyone who cannot appreciate the
depth of your grief for a dog. The joy found
in the companionship of a dog is a blessing
not given to everyone.
Seek validation for your pain
from people who will understand you. Speak with
your veterinarian, a veterinary technician,
groomer or another dog owner. Ask for a referral
to pet grief support groups or veterinary bereavement
counselors in your area. The death of a dog
can revive painful memories and unresolved conflicts
from the past that amplify your current emotional
upheaval. Seek comfort in the support of professional
counselors or clergy.
This is an opportunity
for emotional growth. Your life was and will
continue to be brighter because of the time
that you shared with your dog. This is the best
testament to the value of your dog's existence.
Five Stages of Mourning
The stages of mourning are
universal and are experienced by people from
all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response
to an individual's own terminal illness or to
the death of a valued being, human or animal.
There are five stages of normal grief.
In our bereavement, we spend
different lengths of time working through each
step and express each stage more or less intensely.
The five stages do not necessarily occur in
order. We often move between stages before achieving
a more peaceful acceptance of death. Many of
us are not afforded the luxury of time required
to achieve this final stage of grief. The death
of your pet might inspire you to evaluate your
own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage,
a common thread of hope emerges. As long as
there is life, there is hope. As long as there
is hope, there is life.
Explaining Dog Loss to Your Child
It is natural to want to protect our children
from painful experiences. Most adults, however,
are surprised to find how well most children
adjust to the death of a dog if they are prepared
with honest, simple explanations. From a young
age, children begin to understand the concept
of death, even though they may be unaware of
it at a conscious level.
When a dog is dying, it may be more difficult
for a child to resolve the grief experienced
if the child is not told the truth. Adults should
avoid using terms like "put to sleep"
when discussing euthanasia of a family pet.
A child could misinterpret this common phrase,
indicating the adult's denial of death, and
develop a terror of bedtime. Suggesting to a
child that "God has taken" the dog
might create conflict in the child, who could
become angry at the higher power for cruelty
toward a dog and the child.
Children are capable of understanding, each
in their own way, that life must end for all
living things. Support their grief by acknowledging
their pain. The death of a dog can be an opportunity
for a child to learn that adult caretakers can
be relied upon to extend comfort and reassurance.
It is an important opportunity to encourage
a child to express his or her feelings.
Two- and Three-Year- Olds:
Children who are two or three years old typically
have no understanding of death. They often consider
it a form of sleep. They should be told that
their dog has died and will not return. Common
reactions to this include temporary loss of
speech and generalized distress. The two- or
three-year-old should be reassured that the
dog's failure to return is unrelated to anything
the child may have said or done. Typically,
a child in this age range will readily accept
another pet in place of the dead one.
Four-, Five-, and Six-Year-Olds:
Children in this age range have some understanding
of death but in a way that relates to a continued
existence. The dog may be considered to be living
underground while continuing to eat, breathe,
and play. Alternatively, it may be considered
asleep. A return to life may be expected if
the child views death as temporary. These children
often feel that any anger they had for the dog
may be responsible for its death. This view
should be refuted because they may also translate
this belief to the death of family members in
the past. Some children also see death as contagious
and begin to fear that their own death (or that
of others) is imminent. They should be reassured
that their death is not likely. Manifestations
of grief often take the form of disturbances
in bladder and bowel control, eating, and sleeping.
This is best managed by parent-child discussions
that allow the child to express feelings and
concerns. Several brief discussions are generally
more productive than one or two prolonged sessions.
Seven-, Eight-, and Nine-Year-Olds:
The irreversibility of death becomes real to
these children. They usually do not personalize
death, thinking it cannot happen to themselves.
However, some children may develop concerns
about death of their parents. They may become
very curious about death and its implications.
Parents should be ready to respond frankly and
honestly to questions that may arise. Several
manifestations of grief may occur in these children,
including the development of school problems,
learning problems, antisocial behavior, hypochondriacal
concerns, or aggression. Additionally, withdrawal,
over-attentiveness, or clinging behavior may
be seen. Based on grief reactions to loss of
parents or siblings, it is likely that the symptoms
may not occur immediately but several weeks
or months later.
Adolescents: Although this
age group also reacts similarly to adults, many
adolescents may exhibit various forms of denial.
This usually takes the form of a lack of emotional
display. Consequently, these young people may
be experiencing sincere grief without any outward
manifestations.
Reasons for Euthanasia
We are never quite prepared for the death of
a dog. Whether death is swift and unexpected
or whether it comes at the end of a slow decline,
we are never fully aware of what a pet has brought
to our lives until our companion is gone.
Our involvement with the final outcome may
be passive. We may simply not pursue medical
or surgical treatment in an aging pet. Perhaps
its ailment has no cure and the best we can
do is alleviate some of its suffering so that
it may live the remainder of its days in relative
comfort. An illness or accident may take it
suddenly.
Everyone secretly hopes for a dog's peaceful
passing, hoping to find it lying in its favorite
spot in the morning. The impact of a dog's death
is significantly increased when, as responsible
and loving caretakers, we decide to have the
dog euthanized.
Euthanasia is the induction of painless death.
In veterinary practice, it is accomplished by
intravenous injection of a concentrated dose
of anesthetic. The animal may feel slight discomfort
when the needle tip passes through the skin,
but this is no greater than for any other injection.
The euthanasia solution takes only seconds to
induce a total loss of consciousness. This is
soon followed by respiratory depression and
cardiac arrest.
Doctors of veterinary medicine do not exercise
this option lightly. Their medical training
and professional lives are dedicated to diagnosis
and treatment of disease. Veterinarians are
keenly aware of the balance between extending
an animal's life and its suffering. Euthanasia
is the ultimate tool to mercifully end a dog's
suffering.
To request euthanasia of a dog is probably
the most difficult decision a pet owner can
make. All the stages of mourning may flood together,
alternating rapidly. We may resent the position
of power. We may feel angry at our dog for forcing
us to make the decision. We may postpone the
decision, bargaining with ourselves that if
we wait another day, the decision will not be
necessary. Guilt sits heavily on the one who
must decide. The fundamental guideline is to
do what is best for your dog, even if you suffer
in doing this. Remember that as much as your
dog has the right to a painless death, you have
the right to live a happy life.
Each of us mourns differently, some more privately
than others, and some recover more quickly.
Some dog owners find great comfort in acquiring
a new dog soon after the loss of another. Others,
however, become angry at the suggestion of another
dog. They may feel that they are being disloyal
to the memory of the preceding dog. Do not rush
into selecting a replacement dog. Take the time
to work through your grief.
To help you to prepare for the decision to
euthanize your dog, consider the following questions.
They are intended as a guide; only you can decide
what is the best solution for you and your dog.
Take your time. Speak with your veterinarian.
Which choice will bring you the least cause
for regret after the dog is gone?
Consider the following:
